an entry unearthed

DRUNK CRAZY TONIGHT, SOBER MAMA TOMORROW
(written Aug24, 2004, from another blog in cyberspace)

Yeah, I admit I Am both. If you read on, it’s not as bad as it sounds, really.

Everybody knows this. Friends, relatives all. I’m a certified gimikera through and through. By heart, and by blood….NOTE: Alcohol intake: 4 times a week, not including wkends. Kaladkarin ratio: 9.5 out of 10 gimiks. Official position: social organizer (parties start & end w/me) Worst sked ever: 3 gimiks in one whole day til night.

So can you imagine what an unexpected arrival of a baby or marriage can do to someone like me? Not devastating as others would think. This reality came to me just at the right time. And surprisingly, motherhood becomes me. Who could have expected that? Not me. I shock myself sometimes. Maybe it helped how I embraced MY reality wholeheartedly and with absolute eagerness. Seeing this as my next inevitable step in my existence.

But unlike others who turn into lousy, duster-wearing, no nightlife, boring mother person – I, on the other hand, am not about ready to completely abandon my previous lifestyle all at once. Why should I?

Who said everyday should be have routinary life, from work to home? Who said you can’t party hard like you used to once or twice a week? Or watch a movie on wide screen w/your husband or boyfriend for a change? Or indulge in an lavish half-day session at the Spa or Salon? Or you can’t spend on expensive things for yourself? These are not selfish whims but bits & pieces of your `fun’ self that you shouldn’t lose. `Cause when that day comes, that will be the beginning of the end of yourself.

And I think that’s the trick to parenthood. Always think you have a choice. You have a choice not to succumb to the debilitating effects of parenthood. Go continue being the same YOU. Having a baby/family isn’t the pit stop of your dreams. In fact that should be the positive force to work ON your dreams…and this time, now even more, with feelings. HAHA. Besides `EVERYBODY DESERVES A BREAK!’

Like my friend’s retort about men’s confusion by women’s incessant parlor visits, “To be a good mom you have to be good to yourself first”. My kinda girl. And I agree.

So don’t expect me to even think resentment-filled, depressing statements like……”No, I never go out anymore”……”My nightlife is zero”….”I think I lost myself in the process of caring for my family”….”I don’t know who I am now aside from mother and wife”….and such, such feeling-sorry-for-myself thoughts.

If you ask me…I AM still the same me. Free-spirited drunkard sometimes but loving Mommy mostly. So expect to see me party hard, travel plenty — even with jeanina’s nappies & bottles in tow. Hehe.

DAMN AND I STILL FEEL THE SAME! and that’s a great thing.

thoughts |